To celebrate Christmas week, and better than most cracker jokes that you’ve got coming …
We thought we’d share some paraprosdokians with you. Far more clever words than most cracker jokes, we bring you something different.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech or sayings in which the tail end is surprising or unexpected in such a way that the listener or reader has to reassess the opening part. They are frequently comic.
Here are some examples from the web:
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
26. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
27. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
28. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
29. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
30. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
31. Some cause happiness wherever they arrive. Others whenever they leave.
32. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
33. They had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, their powers of speech
34. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
35. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it!
And finally a video to make you think and smile from another corner of the web:
Wingsuit Base Jumping … mmm. Sounds fun. See if you agree it looks like fun.